Diary of a CEO: Entry #1
Dear Reader,
Let me tell you, I am one lucky woman. I have a career I truly love, a team that amazes me everyday, and a company that’s mission I align with wholeheartedly. Please don’t take my casual complaints, or struggles with imposter syndrome as evidence that I’m not grateful for the life I have or unaware of the privilege that got me here.
But I will say, today drained me.
For some context, 26 years ago I came into this world blindly confident and constantly curious– two traits that have gotten me far. Sometimes in my most insecure hours, I wonder if it's taken me too far.
As long as I can remember I sought out leadership roles, and I’ve wanted to be a “business woman” since the 1st grade.
This month, after almost 5 years with the company I became CEO of Ringlet, a small marketing agency that I am a part owner of. It honestly feels surreal. Marketing moves fast, start-ups move fast, small businesses move fast… so I’m finding myself craving moments to slow down. Which is why I’m writing this “diary of a CEO’ entry.
Reflection is key to success. You need to understand where you are, how you got there, what worked, what didn’t, and how to improve in order to truly call yourself “self aware”. When you make time for reflection you lower your likelihood of making the same mistake twice, and increase your likelihood of repeating successes. Also, I find that when I habitually self-reflect I take criticism well and am able to grow from it.
Okay– back to how today drained me. I promise there’s a point,
This week moved fast. Sales were a top priority, and when you’re focusing on sales there always seems to be a million things going on. The other focus of the week was on our team health and conducting performance reviews (a monthly occurrence at Ringlet).
Stuck between fighting for sales amidst a recession and brainstorming team member’s growth within the company I realized something, leadership is terrifying.
Leadership is something that I constantly study. I have certificates in it, I conduct Leadership and Management trainings, I read tons of books about it, and I think it is the single most important thing in an organization.
But the thing no one seems to mention is that when you are doing it, when you realize that people actually rely on you, that they look to you for guidance, it is scary.
It is scary to realize the impact I have on my teammates, clients, and business partner and come to terms with the importance that my judgment has in a given scenario. I care about all these people so much, and grappling with the concept of potentially leading them incorrectly feels like staring at the view from the top of a cliff but then looking down.
If you’re leading a team, a company, a project, a family– I just want to validate for you that while it is such a gift, it is also scary. And that’s okay.
Leadership isn’t linear, some days will be harder than others. One day it may feel super easy, and the next it may feel daunting. But the thing is that when you take a second to reflect on it, to name what's scaring you about it, that fear suddenly becomes so much smaller. In reflection you prove to yourself that course correction is possible and the pursuit of perfection is a waste of time, the pursuit of self-growth is a much more worthy journey.
So this week that’s what I’m thinking about, reflection and leadership– and reminding myself that none of this is linear, I get to work on it each day. I’m going to step into work Monday grateful for the opportunity to keep pursuing this work.
XOXO